when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
