I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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