Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
