worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
