I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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