ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
