So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
