New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
