Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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