I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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