I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
