And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
