It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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