I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
false alarm, still single
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