My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
