I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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