just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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