Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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