I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
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