Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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