Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
