i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
