why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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