dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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