Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
