Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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