Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
