How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
