Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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