wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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