he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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