On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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