ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
