I'm lost and stupid without you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
