I can't watch pbs sober anymore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
