I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
