I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
