i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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