apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
