He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize