i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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