i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
