if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
