my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
