i wish my penis had a tongue
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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