how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
