I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Is it because I queefed?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
