Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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