I showed him my bush... on skype.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
