I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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