im holly from the hills drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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