i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This house was built for laser tag.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
