we have pet lesbian snakes
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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