I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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