Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
