just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
