You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
