At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
