she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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