Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
