OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
