Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize