cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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