Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
