im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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