dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
