I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
