I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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