I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
