I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
