I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
