dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
sick fucks of a feather flock together
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
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