omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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