worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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