My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
