I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
