k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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