but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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