Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My feet surprised me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
