so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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