Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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