We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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