I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
