I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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