we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
