i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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