i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
