He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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