Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
