Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
