this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
