I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
