remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
