you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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