Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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