I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
