I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize