I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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