She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
