How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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