Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
As shirtless as possible
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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