Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
