TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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