Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
