Need sex. Gaining weight.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
