i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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