i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
